i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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