i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
