He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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