Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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