is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
