Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
