two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
