i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
