he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
