after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
