we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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