I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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