I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
