I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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