My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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