I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
