he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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