So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
