Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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