I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
