She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
