I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize