thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
