dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
