Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
