I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
