Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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