I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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