it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
