when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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