i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
