walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
