somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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