Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
