you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
