I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
