wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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