I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
