I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
