I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
