we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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