i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm passing your future prison.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
