so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
