i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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