she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
