i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
