there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
