mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
