if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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