found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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