i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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