Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
