what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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