Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
