Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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