We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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