He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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