mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
