she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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