so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
