do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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