i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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