considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize