no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
