spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
