the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
