I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
