oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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