Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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