Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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