Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
