I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
