whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
