im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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