sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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