i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
