Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
