This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
