Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
