and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
