You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
