Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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