It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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