I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
