Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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