he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
