Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
