you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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