hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
