Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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