so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize