You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish you could order shots online.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Randomize
