I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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