Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
