Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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