if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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