20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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