Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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