So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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