New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
FUCK WHALES
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize