I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
