Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
