I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
