I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
