You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize