he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
