She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
