SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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