GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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