I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
