I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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