the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
