She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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